Quarterlife+


Fat and…happy?

Posted in Diet,Life by Ashley Franklin on June 10, 2010
Tags: , , , , , , ,

So I was watching a rerun of  “My Wife and Kids,” and Jay (Tisha Campbell-Martin’s character) had noticeably gained a little weight. Her husband, Michael (Damon Wayans’ character), found her unsexy, had a quick therapy session, and took some Viagra so he could get up to the task–so to speak. There aren’t any overweight characters on the show. Even when a character becomes pregnant, she is all belly. The show is a comedy. I find it funny. This time, however, it made me think.

Jay told Michael that he should accept her the way she is. He eventually agreed. Cute, right? Well, it didn’t last long. Jay has a dream that Michael and their kids are all morbidly obese. They’re breathing heavy, fighting over food and their youngest child is so large she simply rolls around. Oh, and of course their clothes don’t fit. Oddly enough, Jay is the only one that is normally plump.

Of course Jay woke up and declared that she would start dieting immediately. She emptied out several snack stashes and the show ended shortly after. Jay’s weight affected her marriage. Michael was immediately  less attracted to her.

Should I take this as a TV lesson? I’m overweight. I don’t have a huge stomach or anything, but I am bottom heavy. I’m sure you can figure out what that means without my having to go into detail. I’m married. I haven’t been married for years on end, but I’m married just the same. My husband has never complained about my weight. He frowns when I complain about it. He’s very supportive of me overall.

My questions: As a married woman, or as a woman in a relationship, how important is your weight? Should you tailor your weight to suit your relationship? As a single woman, is weight more or less of an issue?

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6 Responses to 'Fat and…happy?'

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  1. twentysomething83 said,

    If you’re in a relationship/married I think there has to be a balance between your desire to please yourself and your desire to please your mate. Weight issues are doubly interesting because it’s partly about looks but also partly about health. What made you want to lose weight in the first place? Was it a desire to look differently, or a fear that your husband might not find you attractive (or both)? It seems like you’re luck and have a wonderful partner who, clearly, finds you attractive as you are, but if you feel some sort of nagging desire to lose weight whether for health reasons or not, then do it. It doesn’t have to be a lot, and you don’t have to look like twiggy obviously (your guy might actually dislike that more than anything else) but if it’s a change you want then go for it.

    • transego said,

      I honestly go through spells where I’m like “Okay, I’m over being ‘thick’!” So maybe it is for a change. Here’s a question for you: You’d rather show some leg than express yourself through writing at times, right? Would you be as willing to show off that leg if it was a chunky leg?

      • twentysomething83 said,

        Ha! You’ve got a point. I don’t know. I assume if I were in love with and comfortable with the chunky leg I’d still show that first. It’s all about comfort levels, and if I’m more comfortable with my body than my mind then that’s what people get to see.

  2. the Mrs. said,

    I think weight issues normally center around health problems – that being said, married couples (such as we) always keep an eye on each other as these weight problems tend to creep up slowly. My husband’s parents are both excessively overweight, hence his health is more apt to follow his parents if he is not careful. We both promise to keep our eyes open to serious health concerns rather than a few extra pounds from thanksgiving dinners… always being careful not to nitpick or even discourage one another into self-esteem issues.

    We both have had numerous OPEN and DIRECT conversations about how we would feel if one would gain weight to the point of affecting our health. Together, we explored our comfort zones (even eating patterns), physical attraction needs (these are very real), and most importantly how to approach each other tactfully when it’s time to buckle down as not to hurt one another.

    My husband naturally gains weight when he is inactive due to his stature (6’6″) and chosen occupation – so there has been occasion when I’ve gently nudged him back into his gym routine. I on the other hand have always been naturally small – not crazy healthy/thin – just small. I’ve been blessed to never have to worry about weight fluctuations accordingly. But there have been times when my health has waned, and thankfully he has accurately brought it to my attention.

    Thankfully, we have been married for 5 years now and haven’t had to pull out any serious playcards. You are blessed to have an accepting husband, and in return by keeping yourself healthy, you can give him the gift of not having to worry about your health (if he even does in the first place). Sounds like he is happier knowing that you are not self-conscious – so just stay that way for him – be it through acceptance or even continuing positive health improvements…

    ~Cheers with wine!~

    • transego said,

      I come from a family of emotional eaters. We eat when we are happy, sad, or anywhere in between. It was second nature to eat and eat and eat…oh and talk, with a large amount of family over. Now that I’m married and it’s just the two of us, I’m new to making the transition from bonding over food to not being held in bondage by food.

      I think that it’s wonderful that you and your husband have such an understanding. Your obvious support system is inspiring and makes me equally appreciative of my own. After 5 years of marriage, how do you make sure the watchful eye doesn’t turn into nagging or nitpicking (not just about weight but over anything)? By the way, congratulations on your 5 years of marriage and I hope you have many more. Thanks for reading and commenting!

      • the Mrs. said,

        Good question! That just took some practice I guess – everyone has their sensitive areas and appearances tend to be at the top of the list. So we try our best not to hurt each other through our words, but rather encourage and support.

        As for the nagging, my husband’s really good at giving me “that look” when I’ve overstepped my boundaries… I trust him only to do so when I need to be kept in check. And he trusts that I only mention something when it’s important. We established some of those guidelines early on, and they evolve with time too so there’s no pressure if things change.

        Everyone’s marriage is unique – just be open and objective! And keep that trust built up – it’s worth it.


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