Sheena the Sour Salesgirl (contest entry)

Posted in Writing by Ashley Franklin on February 8, 2016
Tags: , , , , ,

It’s that time again! Susanna Leonard Hill is having another holiday contest.  For the First Annual Pretty Much World Famous Valentiny Contest, your Valentine’s story has to be 214 words or less and include a grumpy character. You can find the full contest rules here:

Oh, Boy! We’re Going To Have Some Fun Now!

I’m not going to lie. I had no idea it would be so hard to write with so few words. It made my soul a little sad, and I was grumpy while revising. Still, I did manage to pull something together in the end, and here it is:


Sheena the Sour Salesgirl

Sheena sells seashells down by the seashore each and every Valentine’s Day, but today frosty weather has made seashell selling slow.

“Snow?” Sheena asked, surprised as a snowflake somersaulted towards her shoe. “Please, go!” she said with a kick.

“Valentine seashells for sale!” shouted Sheena. “Humph!” she said, crossing her arms, as customers skedaddled out of sight. Sheena shook her head sadly at the snowflakes.

To her right, the smoothie store added a sign. “Now selling hot chocolate,” Sheena sneered.  “Now that’s a sneaky selling trick.”

When the sign changed, customers came back. Sheena shook her fist angrily towards the store’s customers.

To the left, Sheena saw the Surfing Spot add a sign. “Now selling teddy bears,” Sheena sneered.  “That’s the second sneaky selling trick I’ve seen today.”

When the sign changed, customers came back. Sheena shook her fist angrily towards the Surfing Spot, the snow, and then her seashells.  She sank in her chair and sulked until an idea nearly smacked her in the face.

“Snowshells for sale!” she screeched. No one came. Sheena sucked her teeth and snatched down her signs.  “Silly snow,” she sputtered.

“Charms?” asked a small voice.

“No, seashells,” snapped Sheena. “Scram!” She saw the ocean-themed bracelet too late. Sheena smacked her head. “SHUCKS!”

Well, that’s all 209 words of it. I hope you enjoyed reading it. Best of luck to all who enter! The prizes look fabulous.


28 Responses to 'Sheena the Sour Salesgirl (contest entry)'

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  1. Heather said,

    I’m definitely feeling grumpy for her! Good job! 🙂

  2. I’ve been known to smack my head a time or two! Nice job!

  3. a lot of emotion in so few words! well done!

  4. Marla said,

    Good work with all those s’s. It’s challenging but fun to read aloud.

    • transego said,

      Thanks, Marla! I used to love tongue twisters, so I thought I’d play around with the idea.

  5. Gabi Snyder said,

    Great job conveying Sheena’s grumpiness. And funny title!

    • transego said,

      Thanks for stopping by and reading, Gabi!I can’t wait until the weekend so that I can have a chance to dig into all the other entries!

  6. authordeb said,

    What a fun tongue twister of a tale!

  7. *applause* I loved reading it. It is YOUR kind of story. I did say the tongue twister aloud, and it tickled my mouth. The grumpiness is done well. Great job. 🙂

    • transego said,

      If mouth-tickling occurred, I did my job. 🙂 Thanks for reading! (hugs)

  8. Great tongue twister! And so much emotion graphically shown. Showing is better than telling and you did a great job.

    Loved this. 🙂 Thanks for sharing. 🙂

    • transego said,

      Thank you for reading, Clara! I”m glad that you enjoyed it.

  9. Poor Sheena. =( Nice story.

  10. authoraileenstewart said,

    Very interesting take on an old nursery rhyme!

  11. JEN Garrett said,

    Aww, missed opportunity. I love it!

  12. sandra rath said,

    Amazingly complex story in so few words, great use of the allotted “space”! Quite difficult to read aloud for a non-native English speaker, but I’ll have to work on that.

    • transego said,

      Thank you for your kind words and for reading, Sandra! I’m glad that you still enjoyed it despite being a non-native English speaker. I like to dabble with Spanish, and I can only imagine throwing my hands up in the air and going “Bah!” if trying to read something that played around with sounds like this does. Kudos to you!

      Another selfish reason that inspired this story was to help my son (age 3) work on his S sounds and blends.

  13. I was definitely tongue-tied but it brought back great memories of reciting tongue twisters as a child, lol!

    • transego said,

      I really wish they would make a comeback! I thought they were the best (those and Mad Libs).

  14. ptnozell said,

    Poor Sheena – she definitely gets my vote for grumpiness!

  15. now this one is grumpy..loved the creativeness in it…Job well done

    • transego said,

      Thanks, Kim!

      • u’re most welcome Transego

  16. jeanjames926 said,

    This was a such a fun read, it brought me back to my childhood when I had a bit of a problem with s sounds, seems I may still need some help lol!!

  17. Poor sour Sheena! She certainly is grumpy! 🙂 Love all the tongue-twistery language – what fun to read! Thanks so much for joining in the contest fun, Ashley!

    • transego said,

      Thanks, Susanna!

  18. Great story! I like that you didn’t turn the ending around. (I also used a Sheena in my story).

    • transego said,

      Thanks for reading! I’ve only known one Sheena in my life, so I think it’s pretty that we both used that name for the same contest. Good luck to you!


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