Quarterlife+


My last post

Posted in Aging,Life,Life changes by Ashley Franklin on July 4, 2016
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Okay, well this is my last post. This is my last post here anyway (kinda). I started this blog when I was at the peak of not having a clue as to what I was doing with my life. I didn’t know what I wanted and I didn’t know myself. Talk about a being a warm body of confusion, huh?

At the ripe old age of 31 now, I am happy to say that I do have a few more things figured out. I am most proud to say that I have grown a great deal. One of my cousins once told me that being in my 30s would be so much better than my 20s. I think I’m starting to see what she means. In my 20s, I was trying to see how and where I fit in. Now, I’m more focused on trying to see what makes me happy and how I can make that a constant.

With that shift in mindset, I feel like this blog doesn’t quite fit where I’m at anymore. For this reason, I’m starting a new one that more closely reflects where I’m at right now and where I see myself going. The timing just seems right. Everything was turned upside down in my life thanks to that March flood where my family pretty much lost everything. (And yes, we do have flood insurance at our new place.) I’m also into a few new things (that I will discuss as soon as I can, I promise).

So, for those of you who have been following my journey, thank you. I ask that you please stay with me as I enter this next phase of my life. My new blog will be as follows:

ashleyfranklinwrites.wordpress.com

When everything is up and running, I will post there (and cross-post here for a bit).

 

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Making a GoFundMe Account was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

Posted in Family,Life,Life changes,Random Experiences by Ashley Franklin on March 14, 2016
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Let me say this: I don’t come from a lot. In regards to a conversation I had with my grandma one day about our family not having much, her response was this: “Much? All most of us have is our blackness!”

Obviously, my grandma is a tiny comedian. This basically means that working hard and doing what we need to do to get things done is a lesson that we learn early. It’s not a lesson that was lost on me. I’m someone that stretches every penny to make it go further. I stalk sales and coupon codes. I don’t believe in paying full price for anything.

Last week, my home was flooded and we had to evacuate. The flood water wasn’t just around our home. It was coming in, so we had to get out. We got out with a plastic bin, a suitcase, and a couple of trashbags of assorted things.

When you live from “check to check and a half,” as I say, missing days of work are few and far between. When the breadwinner of your household can’t get to work for a spell, that puts a major wrench in things.

I don’t like asking for help. I’m one of those “If I’m supposed to have it, I’ll work for it until I can eventually get it” types of people. You’d be surprised how quickly you go through money after staying at a hotel, buying essentials, and buying food to support a family of four (w/ 2 kids under the age of 5) without depleting all of your host’s resources. My mother-in-law has been wonderful, but this is all still unexpected.

I’d had several people suggest that I make a GoFundMe, and I didn’t like the idea of seeming like a beggar. Is that pride? I’m not sure. I don’t consider myself to be a proud person. I am blessed that I am still able to do a little online work, but reality set in that this is bigger than me. There’s that old saying that “Into every life a little rain must fall.” I just got a lot of rain at once.

 

 

Why it was easy for me to stop going to church (Part 2)

Posted in Life,Life changes by Ashley Franklin on August 4, 2015
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Reason #3: I knew too much!

It is incredibly difficult to take your fellow church goers seriously if you know too much of their business. I’m not at all saying that this is only true of church folk, so don’t take it that way. Here’s the thing: if you are around church folk in their chill mode, and church is their major thing, they’re going to talk about church (and by extension other church folk) regularly.

Yes, I would love to embrace you during fellowship time, but if I recently overheard that you’re Mr. PervyCan’tKeepItInHisPantsToSaveHisLife, not a hug, high-five, or glance is coming your way. I may even give you the side-eye if you’re traipsing about from female worshiper to female worshiper rubbing their arms, backs, (shoulders?), etc. I may find it increasingly difficult if you’re sashaying about leading praise and worship.

No thanks. Hard pass.

Reason #4: I needed separation of church and home.

There’s a reason there’s a separation of church and state. Quite simply, you’ve gotta stay in your lane. When you’re growing up, you and your parents are going to inevitably clash. That’s part of growing up. We all go through it. Now, image how much fun it is when your parents are your least favorite people on the planet, yet you’re supposed to open your heart and mind to whatever they’re spewing from the pulpit. Nope; not happening! Here is where a consistent youth leader would have been instrumental in my life. We had a few who came and went and who promised to stay in touch. Lies! I’m not bitter though. We all have our lives to live. I”m just saying that if you hold a position where you are somewhat responsible for the guidance of souls, you suck if you drop off the face of the earth after throwing up deuces.

The Big Day for Sexy

Posted in Life,Life changes by Ashley Franklin on February 14, 2012
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As V-Day approached, I found the commercials increasingly annoying. Now it’s here. At 30 some weeks pregnant, how much sexy can I possibly pull off? I haven’t seen any Motherhood commercials sporting a giant bellied Momma all dolled up for this national day of love. Why is that? Well, obviously, the sexy has already happened! You try striking a few sexy poses with someone jabbing and kicking at you from the inside. Let’s see just how long that sexy pose lasts.

With random headaches, unpredictable sleepiness, and swelling that springs up at its leisure, the sexiest thing I might pull off today is doing the dishes and cooking dinner. How’s that for titillating?

Pregnancy glow or fire hazard?

Posted in children,Family,Life,Life changes by Ashley Franklin on January 27, 2012
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I’ve heard about this elusive pregnancy glow for years. What a load of crap! I don’t know if I”m glowing wrong, but something is terribly amiss. The other day I was attacked by a sneaky afternoon nap (I swear I thought I was blinking) and when I woke up, my glasses were literally sliding off my face! I went to slide them back up, only for them to slide back down.

Seriously?! My skin has always been on the oily side, but never has it displayed the superpower of turning into an oil slick. Every few hours I can literally wipe my face and see oil. Isn’t that outrageously sexy? Speaking of sexy, I guess I better stay away from open flames. No mood candles over here. Surely, “Honey, your face is on fire” can’t be considered a sweet nothing no matter how you spin it.

Honey, your face is ablaze?

My darling, your fiery complexion? 

Yeah….there goes that!

It could all be so simple

Posted in children,Family,Life changes by Ashley Franklin on January 11, 2012
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…for someone else maybe. Like….aside from the fact that I watched Alien the other week on tv (don’t ask me which one because I don’t know!) I swear I’ve seen my shirt moving around ever since. I don’t want to think of tiny child as an alien, but the nurse telling me I”m so sickly all of a sudden because my immune system is compromised so my body doesn’t attack what it thinks is an intruder doesn’t help. I”m just saying…

Anyway, let’s talk about eating. I am now eating like a champion! Those weeks of soup and liquids and medication are finally behind me, so I’m making up for lost time. The kid is hanging right in there with me. I’m growing a snack champion–which seems to be when he wakes up-for meals and to play around at night. Have you ever tried to sleep while your stomach is moving around? It’s…different.Awesome? Awesomely different! Yup, that’s a keeper. 

Ways to Disappoint your Parents #2

Posted in Family,Life,Life changes by Ashley Franklin on October 17, 2011
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As children, many of us yearn for our parents’ attention and approval. As adults, many of us keep with this mentality. Then comes the day when you realize that in one or more area, you’ve probably failed miserably. Nevertheless, you should take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. Over the years, I’m sure there have been many ways I have disappointed my parents. For now, here’s one you may relate to.

Ways to Disappoint your Parents: #2-  Not including them in your relationship

Do you remember the day you were born? I dare you to lie and say that you do. You know who does remember the day you were born? Your parents. At the very least, your mother does. (She is the one parent who HAS to be there by default.) Maybe it was after this moment of your grand arrival that your future flashed before her/ their eyes. See, you were screwed from the beginning. 

Maybe that defining moment came later in life, like after your first crush, first date, or first whatever it is seemed supremely important at the moment. Whether you like it or not, your ideal spouse has likely been a fixed vision in the minds of your parents long before you even thought about it.

Imagine the day they realize you have been stealthily chipping away at their dreams by 

  1. Being in a relationship they know little to nothing about and
  2. Declaring that this same UBR (unidentified blossoming relationship) is serious.
My friend, you are now in trouble…uber trouble. How serious could the relationship be if you never made it a point to divulge pertinent details? Perhaps you wanted to make sure the relationship would last before involving the parental figures. Once it proved to stand the test of time, perhaps you didn’t want to involve the parental figures for fear that they would now scare the person away. Regardless of the reason, you have prohibited your parents from the right to grill your significant other, tell you all the things they don’t like, question your taste, project how well your life could possibly turn out with that person, or  find a potential person of their approval to usurp that person’s place. How dare you! 

Nevertheless, there may be one all-encompassing reason why this is so disappointing to some parents. They may feel like they had no active role in making a decision that may very well change the dynamics of your relationship for the rest of your lives. Some may be able to get past this; some may not. Whatever your case may be, good luck with that.

Hold Up! Am I about to be in my late twenties?!

Posted in Life,Life changes by Ashley Franklin on October 25, 2010
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I created this blog around this time last year. I was in an awkward state of mind. I was restless, discontent, and unsure of myself. I’ll be honest; I was a mess! My friends sympathized. I don’t know what my family thought. My not-yet-but-soon-to-be husband listened without making me feel ridiculous.

Now we’ve come back to this point. My birthday rapidly approaching. This year, I can honestly say that I am excited. I’m trying my hand at freelance writing and a few other Internet gigs, and I’m having a good time doing it. My dreds are still a fun experience.  I moved halfway across the country. I am happily married. A lot has happened in  one year! I feel emotionally stable. Don’t judge me. I know I’m not the only one that has had an emotionally sketchy time when I felt lost and that I should be more accomplished at my age.

I need a bit of clarity. On Thursday, I will officially be 26. Now, here’s the pressing question. At 26, will I be in my late twenties? Do the rules of rounding apply? 24, 25 and 26 could be mid while 27-29 late, right? It seems like a pretty good breakdown to me! What do you think?

I remember my college days. They seem so far away now. I look back at some of those days and think “God, I was an idiot!” Hey, it’s the truth. I chalk it up to the reckless abandonment of my youth. Well, my earlier youth I guess. The fact that I was 17 when I started college may have a lot to do with it. Maybe there is some truth to becoming older and wiser.

What’s in a name…or a hair-do?

It’s not even 9A.M. What am I doing? Writing? No. Other freelance  work? No. Cooking breakfast? No again. I am sitting in the middle of my living room under my Gold n Hot hair dryer. After what was a long and irritating quest, I did find a sit-under dryer at Sally’s Beauty Supply. The last time I did my hair was a little over two weeks ago, and that took so much prep work that I never got around to posting the pictures (next post, I promise). The Jane Carter Twist and Loc stuff I was using was out of stock. Yes, I went to the company website and they were out of stock. I ended up having to buy it off of Amazon because I couldn’t find it at anywhere.

To make a long story short: Loc cream: Amazon, Shampoo: Target, Dryer: Sally’s, Tea Tree Oil: Random Hair Store

It seems like a bunch of fuss, but does it really matter? Yes. I feel better when my hair is done-almost like a brand new person. What gives you that brand new feel? A new outfit? For me, it’s my hair. The thing is, my hair has to be done how I like it. It could be done in a nice style, but if I don’t like it, I don’t like it. I’m particular.

Today’s a big day (aside from my hair being finally finished). I’m also finally changing my last name. There’s no rhyme or reason as to why it’s being done now. But I’ll say this: I AM SO EXCITED! Yes, it is all caps worthy.

Will I feel like a new person once I have my husband’s last name? I’m not sure. Will it give me that fresh hair-do feel? It may be even better? What about my old name? I feel like I’m washing it away, or off of me. I’m not all that attached to it, but I have had it for nearly 26 years.

Out with the old, and in with the new. I’ll let you know if I feel any different after it’s a done deal.

**UPDATE**

I got my social security card. Here’s how I chose my namesake. It’s not a virus, I promise. It’s a link to my other blog.

There’s no “i” in we

Posted in Life,Life changes by Ashley Franklin on July 3, 2010
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There’s no i in we, but there are two i’s in decision. I’ve been married for two months now. It’s not a long time in the grand scheme of life, but every married day has been an adventure. It’s a balancing act when you’re still learning yourself and you’re trying to learn someone else all at the same time. In moments of frustration, I’ve had to ask myself if I am really upset at him or myself. A surprising amount, I’ve found that I am usually upset with myself.

Our marriage motto: Teamwork makes the dream work. Yes, it’s trite, but it works. I’ve recently come to realize our motto needs a few sub-mottoes or a.k.a.s tossed into the mix (at least for me anyway). As a couple, you have to think like a couple and not two single people added together. Yeah, think about that. Let it simmer for a minute. It has taken some time to simmer with me, so I don’t mind waiting.

Sub- motto 1: There’s no i in team, but there are two i’s in decision.

My decisions don’t only affect me anymore. How I spend my money, how I ignore or stalk my credit, the attitude I’m sporting for the day, they all matter. We are legally and emotionally bonded.

Sub-motto 2: What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

I probably wouldn’t know what a gander is if it wasn’t for this saying. And now that I think about it, the phrase “take a gander” completely confuses me now. But, I digress. Neither one of us is better than the other. One of us may be slightly better at some things, but that doesn’t make that person better in totality. So in any situation, if something is good enough for him, it should be good enough for me (and vice versa).

Sub-motto 3: Feelings and opinions are like oil and water.

They tend not to mix well unless you’re making a cake. I’m super emotional. I’m super emotional to the point that I should probably have a warning label. Conversations don’t go too smoothly if you can’t express your feelings without getting bent out of shape and overly emotional at every other word.

These sub-mottoes are more for me than my hubby. I’m a detail person, so sometimes I need a little more to understand/function/be reasonable. Maybe these will change the longer we’re married. Maybe we won’t even need them anymore. Maybe we’ll be just that in tune with each other. Only time will tell, and I plan on enjoying the time it takes to figure it all out.

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