Quarterlife+


The Big Day for Sexy

Posted in Life,Life changes by Ashley Franklin on February 14, 2012
Tags: , , , , ,

As V-Day approached, I found the commercials increasingly annoying. Now it’s here. At 30 some weeks pregnant, how much sexy can I possibly pull off? I haven’t seen any Motherhood commercials sporting a giant bellied Momma all dolled up for this national day of love. Why is that? Well, obviously, the sexy has already happened! You try striking a few sexy poses with someone jabbing and kicking at you from the inside. Let’s see just how long that sexy pose lasts.

With random headaches, unpredictable sleepiness, and swelling that springs up at its leisure, the sexiest thing I might pull off today is doing the dishes and cooking dinner. How’s that for titillating?

Advertisements

Pregnancy glow or fire hazard?

Posted in children,Family,Life,Life changes by Ashley Franklin on January 27, 2012
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I’ve heard about this elusive pregnancy glow for years. What a load of crap! I don’t know if I”m glowing wrong, but something is terribly amiss. The other day I was attacked by a sneaky afternoon nap (I swear I thought I was blinking) and when I woke up, my glasses were literally sliding off my face! I went to slide them back up, only for them to slide back down.

Seriously?! My skin has always been on the oily side, but never has it displayed the superpower of turning into an oil slick. Every few hours I can literally wipe my face and see oil. Isn’t that outrageously sexy? Speaking of sexy, I guess I better stay away from open flames. No mood candles over here. Surely, “Honey, your face is on fire” can’t be considered a sweet nothing no matter how you spin it.

Honey, your face is ablaze?

My darling, your fiery complexion? 

Yeah….there goes that!

It could all be so simple

Posted in children,Family,Life changes by Ashley Franklin on January 11, 2012
Tags: , , , ,

…for someone else maybe. Like….aside from the fact that I watched Alien the other week on tv (don’t ask me which one because I don’t know!) I swear I’ve seen my shirt moving around ever since. I don’t want to think of tiny child as an alien, but the nurse telling me I”m so sickly all of a sudden because my immune system is compromised so my body doesn’t attack what it thinks is an intruder doesn’t help. I”m just saying…

Anyway, let’s talk about eating. I am now eating like a champion! Those weeks of soup and liquids and medication are finally behind me, so I’m making up for lost time. The kid is hanging right in there with me. I’m growing a snack champion–which seems to be when he wakes up-for meals and to play around at night. Have you ever tried to sleep while your stomach is moving around? It’s…different.Awesome? Awesomely different! Yup, that’s a keeper. 

Hear the tick? It’s my biological clock.

Posted in Aging,Life by Ashley Franklin on August 17, 2010
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Occasionally, I feel like there’s a time limit on my ovaries. Sometimes it’s due to my own power of suggestion. Other times, life sends me a small dose of sarcastic hilarity. Recently I got one of those Gerber life insurance things in the mail. Gerber, apparently, thinks that I should be planning for the future of my child (and preparing for its death as an adult). First, though, shouldn’t I have a child?Surely, I should at least be pregnant. And that got me thinking: Am I late?

Isn’t the double meaning of that question fantastic? I love it. Facebook constantly bombards me with ultrasounds, baby announcements, and chronicles of parenthood. It’s not that I don’t care. But, are you more special than I am because you’ve decided to reproduce at this time and I haven’t? Where’s my list of congratulations for still choosing not to be pregnant?

Gerber thinks I’m late. Sometimes I feel late when the same people I used to party with in college are spitting kids out left and right and announcing it to the world on Facebook. But, then I see all their griping in their statuses and I feel better. Last time I had “that yearly checkup,” the gynecologist said “Oh, so you’ve never been pregnant?!” Is that like a “Way to go!” or “Wow, that’s surprising!”? Either way, I gave her a good guffaw.

If I should happen to embark upon parenthood in the near future, will I make grand announcements on Facebook? I doubt it. But, whether I do or don’t, it won’t make me any more special than you.