Why I should never have writer’s block: A trip to the doctor gone terribly wrong

Posted in children by Ashley Franklin on July 24, 2015
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My kids are a gold mine for ideas! They are truly ridiculous, and it’s natural. I am known for getting into ridiculous situations for no reason whatsoever (like the time a deer almost ran me over as I sat in the front yard). Surely you recall some of the foolishness that I’ve tweeted or posted about on Facebook.

Well, yesterday was absolutely AWFUL. It was so bad that the Twitter character restrictions wouldn’t suffice. I’ve got to be able to pull a story out of this foolishness. Here’s how it all went down:

The appointment was for the middle of the afternoon, so that should’ve been a clear indication that we were doomed. Nevertheless, I remained optimistic.  We were all set to be 5 minutes early, and then the universe remembered that it was my family. We spent ten minutes looking for my shoes. I’ll admit that regrettable things were said like:

“Dear God, you’re gonna force me to be that parent that takes a kid out in slippers.”  and

“but my feet have socks though” and

“I wish you and your 3-year-old feet were with your father right now.”

and “Find em Mommy, you can do it!” and

“Obviously I can’t, son!”

The shoes were eventually found (mysteriously under my bed). Skipping past the inevitable fight over doctor’s office wooden toys, things were good for all of twenty minutes while we waited to see the doctor. Two minutes later, the baby threw up because it was hot in the room.My 3-year-old conned a nurse our of some lollipops and continued to run in circles after seeing how much of the pointless table paper he could unroll while I cleaned up hurl in shame.

[Enter the doctor] The baby channels the Jack-Jack attack, freeing her from her doctor tools. More pointless table paper is shed with my 3-year-old laughing gleefully at the scene. The doctor comments on the baby’s brute strength, he hurls again, and she quickly leaves. I cannot describe to you how I smell. I could, but it wouldn’t be fair to you.

[Enter unsuspecting woman]  She pricks his finger to collect some blood, which promptly infuriates him all over again. Naturally, he snatches the blood catching device and flings it across the room. I apologize yet again as my 3-year-old looks on as I hang my head in shame.

He still went on to get his immunization shots, as he was only hurling because it was sweaty-crotch hot in there. One lollipop later, we were scurrying to the car.

Oh, and not to leave without a lasting impression, the 3-year-old bangs on the receptionist’s window to get her attention: “Hey, I got a lollipop!”

Here’s a better question: Why didn’t anyone give me a lollipop? Needless to say, I am NOT looking forward to the baby’s 15-month checkup. But hey, things can only get better. Right?


Friggin say Mama!

Posted in Uncategorized by Ashley Franklin on May 24, 2015
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My walking, full of fun baby makes all types of sounds and frequently imitates sounds that he hears. He makes an awesome truck sound! He has also said dada for quite some time. I can’t begin to tell you how infuriating I find that. We’re 10 months into this whole life with a new baby thing, and the boy calls me absolutely nothing. He’ll walk up to me and fling his arms up. He’ll pat me. He will not make any sound in my general direction.

To be fair, my toddler didn’t call me anything for a while. When he finally did, he called me Bubba. As much as I couldn’t stand Bubba, I’d totally take it right about now.

I know what you’re probably thinking: Just get the toddler to say mama. Yeah…tried it and it didn’t work. The baby just sat there tight-lipped.

As much as I would love for him to say Mama, I guess it’s cool that he hasn’t. In a way, he’s growing up so fast, it kind of reminds me that he’s still a baby. Why do I say that? He’s been walking for well over a month and he’s the size of a toddler. Sometimes the days with my kids seem like an eternity, but when I look at my 3yo, I see just how quickly time passes.

Mom today, Mom yesterday

Posted in Uncategorized by Ashley Franklin on April 23, 2015
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To be honest, yesterday is pretty inaccurate. My grandma is my bestie. I literally talk to her every single day on the phone. What I find amazing is that my grandma had 8 kids. Five of them were boys. Now, I have two boys. Just the idea of there being three of them is the stuff my nightmares.

If you are friends with me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, you are well aware that my boys are a handful and a half. You’ll probably find it odd that out of all of the unwanted parenting advice that I’ve received, NONE of it has come from my grandma. She could easily dish it out, but she chooses not to. If I flat out ask her advice, she’s not short on it. She can truly be an asset. What I found to be truly surprising in one of conversations about having a bunch of kids is that she said she wouldn’t suggest it today.

I didn’t see that coming from someone who had enough children to populate a sports team. Her logic was plain and simple: Things are a lot different now. I’ve heard countless stories of my grandma’s neighborhood where neighbors pitched in and helped take care of each other and their kids. (I don’t know if this was just an isolated incident in her neighborhood, but it sounds good.) My grandma still lives in the same neighborhood. That level of neighborhood camaraderie isn’t as prevalent as it once was, but many of the older residents still hang onto it.

When I think of “back in the day,” I think of extreme hatred and racism run rampant. That’s how she sees today. Deep, right? In a society that always wants better for the next generation, could it be possible that we’ve altogether missed the mark?

If so, how did that happen?

Recently I read a blog post of a mom who chronicled her and other moms’ stories of dealing with the police after concerned citizens saw their kids were left unattended in their cars.

Why did I bring in the mom/kid/car thing? I think it goes to show that we still do have concerned citizens. Maybe we’re just not altogether too sure of what we should be concerned about.

Regardless of any differences (age, religion, race, etc.), I think everyone can agree that most of us want to raise our children in a loving, nurturing, and safe environment.

My question: Can we truly offer our children that environment today?

There goes a spanker!

Posted in children,Life by Ashley Franklin on October 4, 2011
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To be completely racist and unintentionally racist at the same time, I’ve always found white people amazing for the most part-particularly white parents. Here’s why: I’ve never known any white people who got spanked as a child. I’ve been around white people my entire life-moreso than black people. While I’m sure that are some white parents who spank, just as I’m sure there are some black parents who don’t spank, I have not come into contact with any of them. How do they do it?

If you don’t know, I LOVE Katt Williams. One of my faves is when he says maybe black folk should stop beating their kids… publicly and does a bit about a mom beating her kid over the kid wanting some skittles.  (I’m telling you now, don’t click on that link if you’re sensitive to foul language. You’ve been warned.)

So my overarching question is this: how do you discipline your kids if you don’t spank them? Like, if you and your spouse both come from homes were spanking (or beating) was okay but decide it’s not for you, how on earth do you discipline your kids without going back to what you’re accustomed to? Having worked at a daycare, I’ve seen many a child laugh at time out, come out worse from it, and even give thankful praise for the privilege of having time to sit alone (that’s another story). 

So dear reader, were you spanked as a child, and if so, did you decide to spank your kids as well? If you’re not a spanker, how do you go about disciplining your child?If you haven’t had children yet, what’s your take? I’m just a little curious.