Quarterlife+


What if we handled racism like a bad breakup?

Posted in Life by Ashley Franklin on September 17, 2015
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Racism is a mother——–! We just can’t seem to shake it. While the brain eating amoeba in my water has caused my showers to shorten (I’m skeptical of its safety overall.), I’ve been having some deep thoughts.

So I got to thinking about what the world maybe like when my boys are older,  and my initial thought was hoping they’re allowed to even get older to have a place in the world. That’s a thought pattern for a whole different post.

My second thought: What if we broke up with racism? What would that feel like? I bet it would be like one of those epically bad breakups. Thank goodness I’m married because my post breakup behavior was sometimes questionable at best. That being said, if what I say is a reflection of just my personal brand of post breakup ridiculousness, don’t judge me too harshly.

At any rate, I think it would pretty much go like this:

Emotional roller coaster-We’d hate racism. We’d go into fits of rage, and then have spurts of sadness. We might toy around with depression, but in the end, we’d get that numb feeling about it.

Immersion-We’d find a distraction. What can make us forget the pain of racism so that we wouldn’t really have to deal with it? Social media-famous folk, world events covering anything other than our own problems, kittens-is a likely choice.

Reflection- Could things have been different? Where did things start to go wrong? When were they going well? Were things always bad?

Self-assessment- We’d wonder what our role was in all that occurred. Did we help to create this monster? What could we have done differently? Could we have stopped it sooner? If we had been more/less passive/aggressive, would it have made a difference?

Moving on- We’d accept what happened for what it was and for what it taught us. We’d move on, slightly bruised but slightly better. We’d say that there’s better out there, and we’d mean it. We would know that we’d moved on when we’d see a similar situation and react to it differently. We would mature.

If only it were that easy! (I”m using “easy” very loosely.)

Something is stunting our growth as a nation. We can’t seem to mature and move past racism. Why is that? What is it about extra melanin that drives some folk crazy? What gives this vice such brute strength?

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Ways to Disappoint your Parents #3–Getting Married

Posted in Family,Life by Ashley Franklin on October 31, 2011
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As children, many of us yearn for our parents’ attention and approval. As adults, many of us keep with this mentality. Then comes the day when you realize that in one or more area, you’ve probably failed miserably. Nevertheless, you should take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. Over the years, I’m sure there have been many ways I have disappointed my parents. For now, here’s one you may relate to.

Ways to Disappoint your Parents: #3-  Getting Married 

Ah, marriage. What a joyous occasion, right? Well…maybe. All of the plotting, planning, prepping, and primping that goes into pulling off a wedding takes a team effort. Who better to help you through such a joyous time than your family? The months of anticipation lead to such a big build up of emotions! Yeah…who’s really ever in the mood for all of that? 

Having already known we were going to get married, my (then soon-to-be) husband and I asked ourselves one crucial question: Why wait? After all, who is a wedding for, anyway? Let me rephrase that, who is a wedding supposed to be for? I’m sure you’ve heard of the saying “The marriage is for you; the wedding is for them” (them meaning your parents/ family).

So, how much of a ripple will it make in the family pool if you decide to forego the long wedding planning process? Probably a tidal wave. How much bigger of a ripple will it make if you decide to get married whether the majority of your family can make it or not?  I’m not even sure of the proper weather category to use for that one!

You robber of memories and destroyer of social envy! Despite the fact that you saved everyone from being forced to travel, dress up, possibly buy new clothes, eat questionable food, and socialize amongst rogue relatives, it wasn’t your choice to make. Family first, of course (Not your new family, your old family-duh.) By all means, go into unnecessary debt to impress your friends. As a matter of fact, go all out if the marriage doesn’t work out to well either! Throw an even bigger get together. After all, you owe it to them. Since such a big deal is made about the beginning, surely everyone should be there for the end. Bring gifts! After all, where’s the fun in a quiet, successful marriage? I’m all for it, but maybe I’m just lame.

Ways to Disappoint your Parents #2

Posted in Family,Life,Life changes by Ashley Franklin on October 17, 2011
Tags: , , , , ,

As children, many of us yearn for our parents’ attention and approval. As adults, many of us keep with this mentality. Then comes the day when you realize that in one or more area, you’ve probably failed miserably. Nevertheless, you should take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. Over the years, I’m sure there have been many ways I have disappointed my parents. For now, here’s one you may relate to.

Ways to Disappoint your Parents: #2-  Not including them in your relationship

Do you remember the day you were born? I dare you to lie and say that you do. You know who does remember the day you were born? Your parents. At the very least, your mother does. (She is the one parent who HAS to be there by default.) Maybe it was after this moment of your grand arrival that your future flashed before her/ their eyes. See, you were screwed from the beginning. 

Maybe that defining moment came later in life, like after your first crush, first date, or first whatever it is seemed supremely important at the moment. Whether you like it or not, your ideal spouse has likely been a fixed vision in the minds of your parents long before you even thought about it.

Imagine the day they realize you have been stealthily chipping away at their dreams by 

  1. Being in a relationship they know little to nothing about and
  2. Declaring that this same UBR (unidentified blossoming relationship) is serious.
My friend, you are now in trouble…uber trouble. How serious could the relationship be if you never made it a point to divulge pertinent details? Perhaps you wanted to make sure the relationship would last before involving the parental figures. Once it proved to stand the test of time, perhaps you didn’t want to involve the parental figures for fear that they would now scare the person away. Regardless of the reason, you have prohibited your parents from the right to grill your significant other, tell you all the things they don’t like, question your taste, project how well your life could possibly turn out with that person, or  find a potential person of their approval to usurp that person’s place. How dare you! 

Nevertheless, there may be one all-encompassing reason why this is so disappointing to some parents. They may feel like they had no active role in making a decision that may very well change the dynamics of your relationship for the rest of your lives. Some may be able to get past this; some may not. Whatever your case may be, good luck with that.