Sheena the Sour Salesgirl (contest entry)

Posted in Writing by Ashley Franklin on February 8, 2016
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It’s that time again! Susanna Leonard Hill is having another holiday contest.  For the First Annual Pretty Much World Famous Valentiny Contest, your Valentine’s story has to be 214 words or less and include a grumpy character. You can find the full contest rules here:

Oh, Boy! We’re Going To Have Some Fun Now!

I’m not going to lie. I had no idea it would be so hard to write with so few words. It made my soul a little sad, and I was grumpy while revising. Still, I did manage to pull something together in the end, and here it is:


Sheena the Sour Salesgirl

Sheena sells seashells down by the seashore each and every Valentine’s Day, but today frosty weather has made seashell selling slow.

“Snow?” Sheena asked, surprised as a snowflake somersaulted towards her shoe. “Please, go!” she said with a kick.

“Valentine seashells for sale!” shouted Sheena. “Humph!” she said, crossing her arms, as customers skedaddled out of sight. Sheena shook her head sadly at the snowflakes.

To her right, the smoothie store added a sign. “Now selling hot chocolate,” Sheena sneered.  “Now that’s a sneaky selling trick.”

When the sign changed, customers came back. Sheena shook her fist angrily towards the store’s customers.

To the left, Sheena saw the Surfing Spot add a sign. “Now selling teddy bears,” Sheena sneered.  “That’s the second sneaky selling trick I’ve seen today.”

When the sign changed, customers came back. Sheena shook her fist angrily towards the Surfing Spot, the snow, and then her seashells.  She sank in her chair and sulked until an idea nearly smacked her in the face.

“Snowshells for sale!” she screeched. No one came. Sheena sucked her teeth and snatched down her signs.  “Silly snow,” she sputtered.

“Charms?” asked a small voice.

“No, seashells,” snapped Sheena. “Scram!” She saw the ocean-themed bracelet too late. Sheena smacked her head. “SHUCKS!”

Well, that’s all 209 words of it. I hope you enjoyed reading it. Best of luck to all who enter! The prizes look fabulous.


The Big Day for Sexy

Posted in Life,Life changes by Ashley Franklin on February 14, 2012
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As V-Day approached, I found the commercials increasingly annoying. Now it’s here. At 30 some weeks pregnant, how much sexy can I possibly pull off? I haven’t seen any Motherhood commercials sporting a giant bellied Momma all dolled up for this national day of love. Why is that? Well, obviously, the sexy has already happened! You try striking a few sexy poses with someone jabbing and kicking at you from the inside. Let’s see just how long that sexy pose lasts.

With random headaches, unpredictable sleepiness, and swelling that springs up at its leisure, the sexiest thing I might pull off today is doing the dishes and cooking dinner. How’s that for titillating?

Amazon.com, be my valentine

To my dear Amazon.com,

I must say that our romance has come as a bit of a shock. I had no intentions of becoming involved in any more serious interactions. Alas, as the fates would have it, I felt a painful tingling in my arms. How could I ignore such a feeling? I was nearly driven to madness as I searched for a way to relieve the pain. But you, you stood out in the Google Shopping search results with your Microsoft Natural Ergonomic Keyboard 4000. At nearly half the price of everyone else, you stood as a beacon-willing my debit card from my purse.

“How quickly you came!” I thought as the giant brown box appeared on my doorstep (four days before it was expected) It was a rapturous moment tearing through the package you’d sent.

Yet our affair didn’t end there. It was only beginning. Days later I ordered some camcorder tapes. I don’t even own a camcorder. They were for someone else in need, but I knew you wouldn’t let me down. Just yesterday, on the eve of a day where the nation takes time to recognize love, I had to rely on you again. My cell phone battery forsook me in ways you never would. Verizon wanted 40 bucks for a new battery. I doubt my phone is even worth that much. You, you came through again. You offered a battery for less than 4. Dependable and true!

I pray you continue to be good to me Amazon.com, as I believe you will. So with a full and humble heart, I ask you, will you be my valentine?


Love Always,

A satisfied customer